Men Are Better In Bed.

Posted by Viktoria Michaelis on August 30, 2010 in Adult (nsfw) |

Men are better in bed. I know it must be true because, you guessed it, because a man told me so, and he should know. In fact, truth be told, several men have told me that they, or men in general, are better in bed and that there is nothing which can surpass their expertize; their sensuality, their knowledge; their care and attention. I’ve never heard it from the lips of another woman though: in fact, I can’t even remember reading it anywhere either and a quick check with Bing (and Google and Yahoo!) only gives me links to how men can be better in bed or comparisons between Italian, American, German and short (!) or fat (!!) men. There is even an article on men being better in bed when they’re under the influence of alcohol, but we’ll leave that for the time being.

I have a question to counter this supposed fact, one which I have posed a few times but have never received an adequate reply to: if men are so good in bed, so proficient at sex, why don’t more men sleep with other men? And further: who says that men are better in bed, apart from the men themselves? How do they honestly know that men are better in bed?

I’d like to present you with a small offering that gives the other side of things; that presents a different picture of the whole and which might, if you stop to think about it, prove a shock to all these men who believe in their dominance in the bedroom.

Fine, you may say, but you’ve never slept with a man, how can you know? That is true, I have never actually slept with a man, had full sex or anything remotely similar. My adventure in the locker room, which many of you will recall, is hardly a prime example of full sex with someone of the opposite sex; if you can call it sex at all! I have, however, experience: experience with women and the way they react when touched properly; when really excited; when begging for more. This is much the same as most men have had, or claim to have, although I’m not sure about the begging for more bit, unless it was another case of a man not coming up to the mark and being begged not to stop so that the woman could have her little bit of fun too. That, however, is also not the theme of this post, so we’ll leave that to the consciences of those men who know exactly what I mean!

At the same time, it is the fantasy of many men to see two women loving one another: to witness two – or more – women pleasuring one another in ways that only women know how.

Why can only a woman know how to pleasure another? Simply because a woman knows her body far better than any man ever will: a woman knows what gives her the most pleasure; what will bring her slowly to climax; what works quickly; what brings the best results; where all the tender spots are and exactly how to touch, manipulate, excite them. A woman knows what her mood requires at any given moment, and there is hardly a woman in our enlightened world who hasn’t, even briefly, imagined herself with another woman.

It is true that a man has all the equipment a woman desires and needs to bring her to orgasm, but does he also have the expertize? Does he know at which point in the lovemaking to perform a certain action; when to go slowly and tenderly; when to speed up or be a little bit rough? Does he know exactly how a woman wishes to start or where? Having all the right tools doesn’t necessarily make anyone a master of their trade.

Of course, some may say, the woman can always tell the man exactly what she wants; where to touch; when to go fast or slow. Here, though, we have another problem: the man is also interested in his own pleasure and if he has reached a certain point in their lovemaking, he’s hardly likely to stop and do something else: what if he can’t get back to his point, to his moment of pleasure? What if his equipment fails through a moment’s respite or lack of concentration? And how many men can react to a woman’s desires as quickly as she can react herself, without words, with just actions?

In all of these things lies my experience. I have stood in front of, and squatted over, a mirror to learn the most intimate parts of my body. I have experimented with my body, with my fantasy, with my desires. I have experimented with other women, and been the subject of their own experiments. Have you, the man, experimented in the same way either with yourself or with a woman? Have you explored your own body, all over, or merely stood in front of a mirror and admired that growth, your erection which, because it is so big and manly (!) every woman must instantly desire?

Perhaps that last bit is a little unfair; it isn’t the size of your penis which makes the difference – and I’m sure many men have said this who are less well endowed – it is the way that you use it. Not just the penis, though. Sex is not a willing woman and a hard on followed by a few thrusts and a spurt. There is considerably more to sex, to a real lovemaking session, than that.

Many women love to be kissed: long gentle kisses full of passion with no other thoughts but the kiss. Many women love to be stroked: not just gripped over the breasts or having their nipples teased into hard points; not just a quick feel between the legs; not their bum being stroked, lifted and separated. They love to be kissed and stroked as part of a long foreplay with no thoughts of getting straight to the most intimate zones no matter how wet they may appear to be. The vagina, their pussy, is only a small part of the whole: important, but not everything that there is. The approach to this center of their love is a long and laborious one and there are many tests which need to be completed before the final fruits may be savored.

And what happens when we finally reach this center of passion? The journey is only half done; there is much, much more to do, to experience, to share before penetration.

To me there is nothing more beautiful than watching a woman orgasm: seeing her lose control of her senses and dive into the realms of pleasure. There is nothing better than taking complete control of her in every single way, of knowing exactly what to do next, how to bring her even further, how to make her moan, sigh, scream. And not just once, but over and over again; each time a little bit different, a little bit special.

If a woman can do all that with herself, alone, why shouldn’t a man be able to do exactly the same? In the most intimate of pleasures known to humankind, there should be no reasonable holds barred; no time limit; no rush. Sex is never about self, it is about the other, about both together and there are too few men who appreciate this small, vital fact.

Women can be selfish too, no doubt about it. I wouldn’t want to put all the blame onto men, that would be unfair, but they do have one or two hold-ups which prevent true knowledge of what they are capable of. A woman with another women has far fewer: she knows what she enjoys the most and can practise this knowledge on her partner; she knows where all the right spots are and when to touch them; when to go faster; when to go slower; deeper; stroke; kiss; tongue; rest. A woman’s body has far more points available which can arouse desire, passion or simple longing. She cannot always communicate this to her man, concentration  is a major part of the sex act, of lovemaking: concentration encompassing all that is happening; the individual feelings; the smallest change in position; the slightest itch for something else at a particular moment.

The day that I meet a man who can truly do to me everything that I can do to myself, or that another woman in tune with her body and desires, then I might rethink my position. Don’t all rush at once, the likelihood of anyone who volunteers for this arduous task actually being up to the mark is smaller than you can imagine, because there is far more to lovemaking than the few points I have listed here, and only a woman knows what they are.

Love & Kisses, Viki.

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  • Darren says:

    I may have some perspective on this. I have slept with both men and women. Full sex. In my younger years 15-20’s I was, let’s say ” A wanderer”. In my travels I ran across men who indeed had no problem taking advantage of my situation and solicited me for sex in return for foor or a place to stay for an evening. Later, I met a wonderful woman named April who showed me what it was like to actually make love. She was bi-sexual, and over several years she (and a few of her girlfriends) taught me some very important things about the female body.

    I’ll say this. In general, gay men tend to give better head (to men) than women do. But I have never had the sensual, slow and tender pleasure of fellatio with a man that I have had with women. In this Women are much better at making love.

    I watched and participated in many love making sessions with April and her various friends. The way that a woman makes love with another woman is something spectacular to behold. The instinctive knowledge of what a woman needs or likes that is inherent in women is something that most men do not possess, nor have they had the opportunity or inclination to learn.

    I can safely say that I am very good in bed with a woman as I have paid attention to women making love to women. I have been privy to the “inside” information if you will. My goal in making love to a woman is in the way she responds to light touch of my fingers against her skin, or kissing around her breasts and labia. Stroking the back of her neck or lightly running my tongue down the length of her spine. Trailing a fingernail or the tips of my fingers across her buttocks and down her thigh to the back of her knee. Long sensual kisses, caresses and emotional connection. These are the things that (a lot of ) men neglect.

    But as I write this I know with out a doubt that women are far superior in bed than men are and I question, why are not all women lesbian? If I were a woman I surely would be!

    Just my couple of cents worth.
    Thanks Viktoria, great blog!

  • paulbo says:

    This is a great essay, and I enjoyed reading Darren’s response also. When I was younger, I knew so many women who had been put through so much crap by their men friends, that I wondered why they bothered with men at all. I always used to tell them that if I was a woman, I would be a lesbian. Not only would you get better physical attention, you would almost always get better mental and emotional caring.

  • Shannon Luke says:

    As a straight man, the idea that all straight men are total duds in bed comes across as faintly ridiculous and mildly insulting.

    Don’t get me wrong, I agree with you in some small ways. I am sure that there are a lot of groping, thrusting losers out there only concerned with their own pleasure. But that is not the only category that men fall into, and to label us all as such shows that you are limited to only respecting a maximum of 50% of the population.

    And as for volunteers to show you the heights of pleasure that a man can bring you to… I say good luck. Real men, with real brains, aren’t attracted to bigotted, opinionated idiots who deride an entire gender for the sake of defending an argument with no real basis.

    • viki says:

      Firstly to set one small point straight: I do not deride an entire gender. Had you managed to get through your prejudices – man or otherwise – you would have seen that I write a man cannot do the same things to her body that a woman can. The day that I find a man who can revolve his penis in the same manner as I can my vibrator I’ll try him. However, I don’t need any male volunteers, I’m a Lesbian and more than happy.

  • Wow says:

    Viki, that’s the point that luke was making…. you’re limiting your options to a inhuman human contraption. Doesn’t that make you a bit uneasy? theres a biological need for penetration. I can give you links to studies if you want. You claim that the vib does it for you but isn’t there a deeper feeling you feel missing? I’m with darren on this, and feel like his insights do some justice, he missed tickling the bottom of the feet at climax for both sides, but still… can’t you at least acknowledge luke’s 51%? Are you a 49% supporter? I don’t get that ideology. i’ve read nearly every blog you’ve written and this is the only one that screams a bit of selfish self serving bullshit. I understand that you want to further your lifestyle, but shouldn’t you stop using preconceived notions of anti-male feelings that have dominated your life to control your future. Thats only supporting the male dominate culture by continuing the issues that purvey the male dominated society, or the counter female dominated inefficient society that some neo-feminists believe in. Why can’t it be a humanist society of humans interacting with humans without labels? I feel that your choice to restrict yourself with an excuse that you have a vib as a negative for your development. Please don’t take this negatively, If anything, i love your spirit and sadly pity your narrow-mindedness.

    • viki says:

      There is much, much more to sex than simply penetration – and penetration through a dildo can be just as rewarding and satisfying as with a human – much has to do with how you feel about the person you are with and that should never be underestimated.

      Do I feel uneasy about limiting my options to females? No, not in the slightest. I have no sexual feelings towards men at all, no intimate feelings for them either. This doesn’t make me a man-hater, simply someone who knows her own mind, her own sexuality. Is that being selfish? Possibly, but I always remember that all those heterosexual men out there (and women too) who cut out the same-sex experience too. Are they screaming selfish, self-serving bullshit?

  • laowai2 says:

    By the same token we could say that a woman has no idea how to please a man in bed. She does not have the same sensations as he does so how can she understand what he enjoys other than be his reaction? It is all very well saying that only a woman knows what another woman likes or wants, but in fact you only know what you like, or what provokes a reaction from your partner.

    Being of a curious nature, I am an avid gleaner of sexual information. I took the trouble to learn the physiology of a woman’s body to help me empathise and understand how she works and how hormonal changes through her cycle affect her life (and mine ;o). But in my experience no two women like the same thing when it comes to lovemaking and sexual stimulation. For instance, some prefer not to have direct contact with their clitoris, some like firm pressure, others prefer gentle pressure or even both. Some women would be happy with oral sex and are not too bothered about penetration at all. In a relationship we like to do what we know pleases our partner even if that particular act does nothing physically for ourselves. However, witnessing that moment of orgasm is my ultimate aim and joy. Nothing can beat those sounds and facial expressions.

    Ideally we should have uninhibited communication with our partners, not necessarily verbal, actions can often speak louder than words …… and may cause less embarrassment.

    Interesting website for the not so squeamish: http://www.beautifulcervix.com/

    • viki says:

      It is almost impossible to know for certain what another person enjoys until you try it – assuming that your partner is honest with you. However, I agree with you about each person knowing themselves and, perhaps, putting what they enjoy into their actions. I know I enjoy this, perhaps my partner will too.

      Sex, for the more advanced, is a case of experience, but with an open mind for new things, new sensations, experimentation. Telling someone that they are wrong – whether it be over a dislike for anal sex, a certain art of kissing or whatever – shows a lack of experience, a closed mind and a failure to understand that each and every person is different.

  • Francois Demers says:

    Excuse me all, can someone point me to a link where I can learn even more about rational sex and explaining emotions and desire away? Preferably a treaty with a lot of physiology in it, especially the homonculus (google it) and the thyroid?

    In bed, as elsewhere, X is better than Y at being X. Developping this equation further to decide which of X or Y is the greatest requires imaginary numbers.

    Shannon Luke: learn to read. And Wow: a condom is also a human inhuman contraption (nice phrase that).

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