Men are better in bed. I know it must be true because, you guessed it, because a man told me so, and he should know. In fact, truth be told, several men have told me that they, or men in general, are better in bed and that there is nothing which can surpass their expertize; their sensuality, their knowledge; their care and attention. I’ve never heard it from the lips of another woman though: in fact, I can’t even remember reading it anywhere either and a quick check with Bing (and Google and Yahoo!) only gives me links to how men can be better in bed or comparisons between Italian, American, German and short (!) or fat (!!) men. There is even an article on men being better in bed when they’re under the influence of alcohol, but we’ll leave that for the time being.
I have a question to counter this supposed fact, one which I have posed a few times but have never received an adequate reply to: if men are so good in bed, so proficient at sex, why don’t more men sleep with other men? And further: who says that men are better in bed, apart from the men themselves? How do they honestly know that men are better in bed?
I’d like to present you with a small offering that gives the other side of things; that presents a different picture of the whole and which might, if you stop to think about it, prove a shock to all these men who believe in their dominance in the bedroom.
Fine, you may say, but you’ve never slept with a man, how can you know? That is true, I have never actually slept with a man, had full sex or anything remotely similar. My adventure in the locker room, which many of you will recall, is hardly a prime example of full sex with someone of the opposite sex; if you can call it sex at all! I have, however, experience: experience with women and the way they react when touched properly; when really excited; when begging for more. This is much the same as most men have had, or claim to have, although I’m not sure about the begging for more bit, unless it was another case of a man not coming up to the mark and being begged not to stop so that the woman could have her little bit of fun too. That, however, is also not the theme of this post, so we’ll leave that to the consciences of those men who know exactly what I mean!
At the same time, it is the fantasy of many men to see two women loving one another: to witness two – or more – women pleasuring one another in ways that only women know how.
Why can only a woman know how to pleasure another? Simply because a woman knows her body far better than any man ever will: a woman knows what gives her the most pleasure; what will bring her slowly to climax; what works quickly; what brings the best results; where all the tender spots are and exactly how to touch, manipulate, excite them. A woman knows what her mood requires at any given moment, and there is hardly a woman in our enlightened world who hasn’t, even briefly, imagined herself with another woman.
It is true that a man has all the equipment a woman desires and needs to bring her to orgasm, but does he also have the expertize? Does he know at which point in the lovemaking to perform a certain action; when to go slowly and tenderly; when to speed up or be a little bit rough? Does he know exactly how a woman wishes to start or where? Having all the right tools doesn’t necessarily make anyone a master of their trade.
Of course, some may say, the woman can always tell the man exactly what she wants; where to touch; when to go fast or slow. Here, though, we have another problem: the man is also interested in his own pleasure and if he has reached a certain point in their lovemaking, he’s hardly likely to stop and do something else: what if he can’t get back to his point, to his moment of pleasure? What if his equipment fails through a moment’s respite or lack of concentration? And how many men can react to a woman’s desires as quickly as she can react herself, without words, with just actions?
In all of these things lies my experience. I have stood in front of, and squatted over, a mirror to learn the most intimate parts of my body. I have experimented with my body, with my fantasy, with my desires. I have experimented with other women, and been the subject of their own experiments. Have you, the man, experimented in the same way either with yourself or with a woman? Have you explored your own body, all over, or merely stood in front of a mirror and admired that growth, your erection which, because it is so big and manly (!) every woman must instantly desire?
Perhaps that last bit is a little unfair; it isn’t the size of your penis which makes the difference – and I’m sure many men have said this who are less well endowed – it is the way that you use it. Not just the penis, though. Sex is not a willing woman and a hard on followed by a few thrusts and a spurt. There is considerably more to sex, to a real lovemaking session, than that.
Many women love to be kissed: long gentle kisses full of passion with no other thoughts but the kiss. Many women love to be stroked: not just gripped over the breasts or having their nipples teased into hard points; not just a quick feel between the legs; not their bum being stroked, lifted and separated. They love to be kissed and stroked as part of a long foreplay with no thoughts of getting straight to the most intimate zones no matter how wet they may appear to be. The vagina, their pussy, is only a small part of the whole: important, but not everything that there is. The approach to this center of their love is a long and laborious one and there are many tests which need to be completed before the final fruits may be savored.
And what happens when we finally reach this center of passion? The journey is only half done; there is much, much more to do, to experience, to share before penetration.
To me there is nothing more beautiful than watching a woman orgasm: seeing her lose control of her senses and dive into the realms of pleasure. There is nothing better than taking complete control of her in every single way, of knowing exactly what to do next, how to bring her even further, how to make her moan, sigh, scream. And not just once, but over and over again; each time a little bit different, a little bit special.
If a woman can do all that with herself, alone, why shouldn’t a man be able to do exactly the same? In the most intimate of pleasures known to humankind, there should be no reasonable holds barred; no time limit; no rush. Sex is never about self, it is about the other, about both together and there are too few men who appreciate this small, vital fact.
Women can be selfish too, no doubt about it. I wouldn’t want to put all the blame onto men, that would be unfair, but they do have one or two hold-ups which prevent true knowledge of what they are capable of. A woman with another women has far fewer: she knows what she enjoys the most and can practise this knowledge on her partner; she knows where all the right spots are and when to touch them; when to go faster; when to go slower; deeper; stroke; kiss; tongue; rest. A woman’s body has far more points available which can arouse desire, passion or simple longing. She cannot always communicate this to her man, concentrationÃƒâ€šÃ‚Â is a major part of the sex act, of lovemaking: concentration encompassing all that is happening; the individual feelings; the smallest change in position; the slightest itch for something else at a particular moment.
The day that I meet a man who can truly do to me everything that I can do to myself, or that another woman in tune with her body and desires, then I might rethink my position. Don’t all rush at once, the likelihood of anyone who volunteers for this arduous task actually being up to the mark is smaller than you can imagine, because there is far more to lovemaking than the few points I have listed here, and only a woman knows what they are.
Love & Kisses, Viki.