So, who’s the male …

Posted by Viktoria Michaelis on November 25, 2010 in Q&A |

Sometimes it’s difficult to keep a straight face when answering the questions and comments I receive, but I do my best. Let’s see how you do.

So, which one of you is the male in your relationship?

In a Lesbian relationship, why does one have to be male? I was always under the impression that a Lesbian relationship was two – or more – women.

Yes, but what I mean is, which one of you plays the male part?

Neither. Both of us are female.

One of you must be dominant.

Must? Why? I assume you mean that one of us has to take the lead, and you believe that only a male or a person with alpha dominance can do this and must, therefore, be the male or next best thing.

There’s always a Top and a Bottom.

We’re not talking about clothes here, I take it? You mean by sex one of the two women has to be on top and the other submissively underneath? I’m sure that there are some relationships where that is the case, but more out of preference than anything else. Some people are more dominant than others, but not in every single relationship.

One of the women has to take the place of the male member.

Come right out and say it: one of the women has a penis.

No, but one of you has to be the one who starts.

Oh, you mean only men start a relationship, or only men start sex?

Your pussy was designed for a dick, nothing else, one of you has to be the one who takes its place.

Never heard of oral sex? No dicks in oral sex and, if you believe some former high ranking people, there’s no sex in oral sex either. And as to my pussy or any other being designed for a dick, other things work just as well, if not better.

But your pussy is the perfect shape for a dick.

Quite possibly, but that doesn’t mean it’s ever going to feel one inside it. Vibrators and dildos work considerably better, and as for the feeling of some-one’s tongue or their fingers inside you…

Nothing can make love better than a dick.

Now you’re just playing yourself down: I’m sure you’re not really that bad. What I think you mean, though, is no one can make love better than when they’re using their dick. Sadly I have to disagree with you. It depends entirely on the person who is manipulating, using their dick, and how they use it, when they use it. When a woman masturbates she has far more control over what happens, whether she uses a vibrator, a dildo, an egg or even her fingers. No man can ever come close to the control and immediacy of someone who is playing with themselves.

Playing with yourself is something else, it can’t replace the feeling of a man inside you.

True, it is far better without the man. The woman is in total control and can change and adapt at will, without having to explain things. And her toys don’t suddenly squirt all over the place and lose interest.

Men are warmer and more loving.

Women too.

Yes, but men know what a woman wants.

Women too, and women know how to give it, because they know their own bodies. Men tend to see things from their own perspective when it comes to sex, and that is whatever their dick enjoys. The woman is often just a receptacle, something they can use for their own short-lived passion.

You don’t know what you’re talking about because you’ve never had a dick inside you.

Have you? When was the last time that you had sex with another man?

I’m not queer!

How can you tell me what I would enjoy with a man when you’ve never experienced it yourself?

I just know, that’s all.

Why don’t you try it?

What, have some fudge-packer sticking his dick up my ass, no way!

But you enjoy anal sex with women.

That’s different.

How is it different? Anal sex is anal sex: a dick in an ass.

It just is. I don’t do it with men.

Then why should I?

You’re cutting out half the population.

So I’ve been told. The thing is, you’re cutting out half the population too by not having sex with other men.

Men and women were meant to be together.

Who says?

It’s in the Bible for one thing.

Oh, religion. The Bible is full of homosexuality, and rape. Do you agree with rape because it’s in the Bible? And mass murder?

I’m not talking about rape, that’s completely different.

And free will? Shouldn’t I be allowed to make my own choices in life?

But there is nothing to compare with a man.

Except a woman.

Men and women were meant to be together. A woman can’t have a real life without a man.

Not even a nun? I think you’ll find that many women can have an excellent life without a man, and many men without a woman. It all depends on the nature of the person.

But what you’re doing is against nature.

In what way? Didn’t nature make me the way that I am, a woman who loves other women? just the same as nature made you the way you are, a man who loves women. And if it is against nature, how is it possible for us to do it?

You can’t possibly get the same satisfaction with a woman that you can with a man.

You’re right there: the satisfaction is considerably better.

A woman can’t satisfy sexually like a man can.

Then why are there so many sex toys on the market for women and so few for men?

That’s just commercial.

Supply and demand, if there was no demand no one would be producing the things in the first place. If they didn’t work no one would buy them.

No one can bring themselves off with the same feeling that a man can give.

You think not? Then why do so many people, male and female, masturbate?

I mean, no one can give a woman a better orgasm than a man can.

Says who? Do you know what percentage of the female population have never experienced an orgasm with a man? Not because they’re Lesbians necessarily, but because the man isn’t up to it?

They’re just frigid.

Their partner isn’t doing what they need to have done. You can’t write everyone who doesn’t have an orgasm off as being frigid.

They’re not right in the head.

Sex has a lot to do with surroundings, with emotion, ambiance, feeling, even with love. A lot is also in the mind, coupled with fantasy and imagination, but when the partner can’t tap into this inner desire, this deeper need…

Then the woman should tell him.

Would a man who is right in there, busy pumping away as if there was no tomorrow, be able to react immediately? When my girlfriend has her fingers inside me she can move and change direction, she can start on something else, she can adapt.

Men too.

And still keep his interest up? Not be put off his stroke just at that crucial point? Can a man keep on going when he’s had his orgasm?

He can do something else.

Then why doesn’t he do something else to start off with? Why this penile fixation?

He can lick her or something.

Have you ever licked out a woman after cumming in or on her?

Nothing wrong with cumming on a woman.

But you wouldn’t lick the cum off her to get her to orgasm?

She should cum at the same time as me.

And if she doesn’t?

That’s her own fault.

You wouldn’t taste your own cum on a woman, but expect her to swallow?

Women enjoy that.

If women enjoy it so much, why don’t you try it?

No chance!

Then why don’t you like the idea of another man cumming on you, or with you?

That’s just disgusting.

Why? You enjoy having your fun and cumming in a woman’s face or whatever and expect them to like the taste of your cum, why don’t you try it? What’s disgusting about someone cumming on you that isn’t disgusting about you cumming on someone else?

You’ve no idea. A woman can only get a good orgasm by having a dick in her pussy.

You mean a vaginal orgasm.


What about a clitoral orgasm? What about an anal orgasm? You know some women can get to orgasm without actually touching their intimate parts at all? They don’t need a man to help them.

That’s why women like anal sex.

And men can get to orgasm through anal sex too.

That’s just perverse.

Why? You told me that you enjoy anal sex – giving anal sex – and that women like it too. Since we’re pretty much the same why shouldn’t another man enjoy receiving anal sex in the same manner? You haven’t tried it so, in your own words, you don’t know what you’re talking about.

So you’re a militant lesbian.


Because you disagree with everything that I say.

Not everything, just the stuff where you’re trying to influence my life and where you’ve no personal experience whatsoever. Oh, and the stuff about women cumming at the same time, or that a dick is better than a vibrator, or that a woman is frigid if she doesn’t cum. Apart from that. Oh, what. There isn’t much left over. But that doesn’t make me militant, just a woman with better understanding.

But you don’t understand anything about men.

I don’t claim to. Do you know everything about women?

All that I need to know.

What about the things that she needs you to know?

Such as?

Such as, how to get her hot, when to do certain things, when to stop, when to slow down, when to speed up, when to change position, when to suck and when to blow, when you use your fingers and when to use your tongue, when to penetrate and what with, when she’s in the mood, when she likes it rough and when smooth.

That’s all too complicated. Women like it simple.

Oh, you mean in and out and that’s it?

What more can a woman want or need? That’s what it’s all about, after all.

You’re a real lady-killer at heart.

I could do the same for you.

There’s more excitement in tying shoelaces.

Do you bend over straight-legged or squat?

Do your balls get in the way when you wear sunglasses?

I could go on and on …

Love & Kisses, Viki.

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  • Haylee says:

    lol he just doesnt quit

  • Katie says:

    omg some of these are too damn funny ! well least he is entertaining but I would have virtually strangled him by now :)

  • Francois Demers says:

    “If you believe some former high ranking people, there is no sex in oral sex either” is a gem. Thanks for a good laugh.

  • Jaymz says:

    “Guys are under a big illusion. They think they’re in charge of shit – it’s just women letting ’em have some line!” – Henry Rollins

    Dunno what relationships this guy’s been in, but in pretty much all of mine, it’s been the woman calling the shots. ^_-

  • Chuck says:

    Was absolutely hilarious. I love it when any closed minded idiot gets his/her ass handed to them verbally. It’s funny that so many alleged straights seem to think every GLBT person has to play a particular role and yet when you ask them about their partners or relationships (with both there), they’ll say they have an equal partnership. That I don’t understand. When I’ve heard guys come up with that question I always blurt out “I’m the girl, Wanna lick my clit?” And I’m known as a straight married guy so that always throws them off for a while.

    Have fun, and just be…


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