Convince Me.

Posted by Viktoria Michaelis on April 26, 2011 in Immoral Conversations |

Almost every mail I receive concerning this Blog compliments me on my writing style – you’ll no doubt remember that right at the beginning a few people were more inclined to compare my writing with that of a 60 year old man or a toothless woman, but I think that we’ve managed to scare them away – something which makes me feel good because I do invest a lot of time and effort in my writing here and am constantly trying to perfect my writing style or, at the very least, make it acceptable for more people. To improve myself – I think I’ve mentioned it before – I enjoy writing letters and I don’t mean just to my Dad back home in the States, but to all sorts of people. And before you all jump on the letter writing idea, I’m not looking for any new pen friends; you had you chance quite a while ago and the offer has been closed!

Getting back to writing and the writing of letters, though, I’d like to show you a few real adverts for pen friends and then, if you like, you can tell me whether the person placing the advert is likely to have found anyone or not. I’m not going to tell you who the people are or anything like that – well, perhaps gender and country – so that you aren’t too prejudice in your assessment. Here we go…

letter writing

(Female, Ghana, 35)

hello, its my joy introducing myself here looking for my dream life patner that can make me feel like a real woman, i have one daughter 9 years living with me. i need a serious person. please feel free to contact me if you really love me.

(Male, USA, 66)

David is a 66 year old man that write letters but he never recives one back. So I think a pen pal will be a good thing. David is some what of a lone, but he loves to write. David was in the navy for 20 years, then worked at the Universiey of Colorado for 14 years. David id a very interesting man and will make a great penpal.

(Female, USA, 25)

Hi! Im Kristin.. Im a shy and somewhat quiet girl from West Virginia. Im 25 years old, married, and have a 6 year old son. I love snail mail because its a wonderful way to make new friends and maintain friendships. I would be happy to have new female snail mail friends from anywhere in the world. I type my letters because I have a problem with my wrist that affects my ability to neatly handwrite. I can be slow to mail my letters out too because Im not well off. I will admit that I dont respond to letters I cant read and I will admit that I have stopped writing to people in the past who have made me uncomfortable or who talk about religious stuff all the time. Im quiet in person but can be ruther chatty in letters. I dont complain over shorter letters but dont require ten page letters either. I dont complain about white stationery and envelopes but I do love colorful mail and make my own envelopes when I have the paper to do so. I love letters that are filled with everday chatter and even topics like the weather dont bore me. So you can feel free to share all the up’s, downs, and daily tid bits with me without fear of boring me to death! I have four dogs, two cats, and a duck so if your seriously allergic to animals you may want to consider email friendship with me over snail mail friendship. My hobbies include reading, listening to music, watching movies/tv, and photography. My interests include vampires, mythology, alternative religions (not interested in hearing from christians who are interested in constatly trying to convert me, christian pals welcome but plz understand Im not interested in anyone trying to convert me), werewolves, and the paranormal. Thats all for now. If youd like to be friends simply email me and introduce yourself. Then we can exchange snail mail addys if we both agree! *NO Inmates*

letter writing

(Female, USA, 20)

Hi, I’m Cassandra. I’m from the US in Ohio. I’m really into anime and manga. I’m the president of my towns anime club and very proud of it. I go to college so I can become a clinical psychologist and I’m looking for a snail pal from anywhere around my age.

(Female, Canada, 26)

I live on the beautiful island of Newfoundland with my almost 7 yr old daughter. I have PET rats, mice and an emperor scorpion and I foster dogs for a local rescue. I am a rat advocate and do a lot to promote this misunderstood animal. I will be starting a vet assistant course within the next few weeks too. I am a big animal lover. I have loads of interests and things that interest me, but will save that for a letter. I’m looking for open minded penpals (SOME inmates welcome) with similar interests. I can only offer friendship, so don’t bother writing me asking for more. Also NO AFRICA (will just throw away your letters, so don’t waste your time), NO prudish people, NO close minded people and NO overly religious people…. I don’t need to be “saved”. I will keep this short, but if ya drop me a line I will tell you a lot more. Looking for some interesting friendships.

letter writing

(Male, USA, 28)

Hey there. my name is Brandon and please bare with me because i am bad at introductions. i would be more than willing to answer any and all questions that you send my way in a letter. all letters will be answered with great appreciation. i look forward to hearing from you soon! that means you! :)

(Female, Senegal, 23)

I am a black sweet girl with love and trust honest caringI am a black sweet girl with love and trust honest caring

(Female, Senegal, 24)

i want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marryi want to marry

letter writing

So, did you find one which interested you? Did one of these adverts for a pen friend – all of which were published within the last couple of weeks – speak to you and your heart? Which one of the above do you think has the greatest chance of getting even one reply?

Now, before you go out and accuse me of being mean, the (sort of) anonymous adverts I’ve printed above, all of which are real and online right now, came in one batch. The final one was twenty-seventh in a list of adverts and all of them, almost without exception, were of pretty much the same quality.

I just wonder, looking at an advertisement someone has obviously taken next to no time over creating, whether anyone is honestly waiting for the postman to ring on their doorbell with a sack full of replies. I know they don’t have to pay for the advert, they all come from one of these free sites which exist for a few months and then simply die away through lack of care and attention, but even so; if you’re interested in something, don’t you take a little bit of time to think and work on what you want before going to print?

That’s about as close to a rant as I’ve come in a long time! Perhaps I’ll have a really good rant about something real soon, wait and see!

Love & Kisses, Viki.

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  • I like your writing a lot. It’s clear, intelligent, interesting, and sensual. You do not write like anyone but yourself, which is to say, a lively, witty, smart, and very sexy young woman.

  • Francois Demers says:

    Ad from Ghana : burn after reading

    David writes about himself in the third person, he is not that lonely.

    Kristin may be presenting the first symptoms of logorrhea. Forward to Jehova’s Witnesses with a call for urgent missionary charity (give address).

    Cassandra, President of local anime club, will be a clinical psychologist one day. Very scary or funny, depending on your tastes. Check for Sailor Moon then decide.

    Rat advocate from Newfoundland. Be happy Newfoundland is an island and mostly trades with Europe. Unless you happen to live in Europe and know something about zoonotic diseases.

    Brandon “please bare with me”, if spelling is intentional, then at least a direct and clear offer.

    Black sweet girl is mine. The repetition suggests the author is familiar with Jagger/Richards. Can proceed from there.

    “i want to marry” You have my permission. Now, go forth and marry. But do not blame me for the results.

  • Francois Demers says:

    Post-scriptum: very happy to see you are back to a daily blogging schedule

  • The comment from Francois was absolutely delightful. I’ve closed my cubicle curtains and laughed (i thought of the same things)- it truly made my afternoon.
    Viki – I had no idea it was still around…with new technology (email) i figured people would forget snail mail ever existed. If I were to write, my handwritting would have scared anyone away.

    I won’t attempt.

  • Katie says:

    Why do I get the feeling any answers these would end up at the same federal prison somewhere in the Arizona desert? And you think you are going to accused of being mean.

  • Katie says:

    It’s funny what you say about your writing letters. I have found the more I write for my blog the longer and better written my my emails have become. Just an observation …

  • Francois Demers says:

    I just realised after fifteen minutes of staring at this post and the comments that I do not remember when I last received a handwritten letter. I sent quite a few to my wife when we started courting but she would use the typewriter for her replies. That was twelve years ago.

    CARE packages come from Canada once in a while, sent by my family. I am assured that there is maple syrup and Kraft peanut butter in there. After customs clearance here, those have magically transformed into powdered medical rubber gloves. Thousands of them (true fact). With my lifestyle and life expectancy, I expect the gloves to be the most salient aspect of my legacy. I have very little use for them. Filling them with water and dropping them on policemen from the tenth floor got old after the first few hundreds (and my wife does not entirely approve.)

    I am not sure I am nostalgic about handwritten letters, the moment of dread (it could contain a Hallmark birthday card), ripping the envelope apart, and then trying to decipher the handwriting and, more difficult, the underlying meaning, if any. What really bothers me is that I simply cannot remember when it last happened. When did change become so trivial to me?

    However my mail life has some stability: wherever in the world, however wide the road and pure the air between their ears, policemen do jump high when three litres of water hit the sidewalk at 85 kilometres per hour right by their polished shoes.

  • Francois Demers says:

    Staring at them when they finally discover that things fall from a higher point to a lower point, not sideways, wearing my “you know you cannot prove I did it” look is fun too.

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