I watched a comedy video showing a live stage performance of a comedian from Australia the other day. Someone recommended it to me – I can’t remember who, and I can’t find it now! – because the sketch has something to do with relationships between men and women. Normally I get links to videos just concerning lesbians – and there is a lot of good comedy out there, just as biting as any other version – but sometimes it is good to see the ‘competition’.
It was, of course, sexist. Let’s be honest, any comedy to do with relationships, with sex or anything similar is going to be sexist, the same as most other forms of comedy are going to be ‘against’ one or another part of society or cause someone somewhere offense. That’s what comedy is, it plays on our most basic instincts at times and, often, brings out things which we wouldn’t say ourselves.
I’m not one of those activists who complains just because I, a friend, someone I know or someone who has similar interests or the same lifestyle as me is the basis for comedy. There are some comedians who go a little bit too far just the same as there are some people who take comedy a little bit too seriously – you only need to look at the problems in Europe not so long ago over a series of cartoons with generalized religious images and prejudices. In fact, I’m not an activist at all: I may well stick up for what I believe to be right, what is right for me, but I’m not here to convince other people that they ought to change their ways or their life just because I do something different to them.
This was a fairly close to the edge form of comedy, though. It concerned the relationships between men and women specifically when it comes to sex. The comedian strutted across the stage as he spoke, shouted a lot, swore more than was really necessary, but still managed to bring many home truths across. Such as: the belief for many men that foreplay ends when he has an erection because he is then ready for action. It doesn’t matter that the woman isn’t quite up to form – here he said that the woman was still a little bit dry – he’s ready to go and so … off they go. Basically he was saying it doesn’t matter what the woman wants or whether she is ripe (!), the man is aroused and that’s all that matters. The man wants to play on top, from the side, be sucked off, whatever, and his will is what matters.
Perhaps, for some people, a form of reality. It is hard for a lot of people – male and female – to appreciate that others need a little bit more time, that they need more preparation, more foreplay, a few other things than just a quick kiss, a stroke and then the humping can begin. It is also hard for some people to accept that their partner – again, male or female – has other desires and to accommodate them.
One thing which I found most interesting was the idea of kissing. He had very set ideas about kissing his partner and they based themselves around age and experience. As a young man, he told his audience, he loved to kiss. As a teenager kissing was the closest thing to heaven and, he hoped, the gateway to getting beyond first base. Then, he said, he had his first blow job.
Now, who wants to kiss another person, aside from the quick bit to show interest, to greet or whatever, when you can get yourself sucked off?
Funnily enough, he didn’t mention anything about going down on his partner, on satisfying her orally but, as I mentioned, the sketch went mainly on what he wanted and not the needs or desires of whoever he was fortunate enough to be with. Perhaps he covered this in another show, but I got the feeling he hadn’t even considered it. His dick is hard, he needs to be sucked off. Simple as that.
I’ve never underestimated kissing. Now, after more than a year since I lost my virginity, I’ve tried many if not most things with my girlfriends and lovers, but kissing is still right there at the top of the list for things to do; exactly where it should be.
There are times, I will admit, when kissing during an intimate act isn’t right: for those who pay for their sex it clearly isn’t something which comes to the fore too much simply because they are there to satisfy the sexual urges and precious little more. There is no relationship involved. It is a business transaction and nothing more than that. I guess for those who enjoy a quickie in a dark alley way, behind the disco or the bicycle sheds it can be much the same: time is of the essence. But for a relationship, for a real, full, enjoyable time with another person kissing is vital. It is still the most intimate non-sexual act between two people.
I don’t know what this comedians real love life is like, I hope that it is completely different to the show he put on, to the jokes he spouted out, but if he doesn’t include kissing as a top priority during foreplay, during lovemaking, after the act, he’s missing out on some of the most precious, most enjoyable times. I can imagine, though, that his love life is somewhat limited – if he really follows what he was saying – whether he appreciates it or not. Sexual relations, the sex act itself, is far more than just penetration. It involves intimacy, love, desire, companionship and all of these things can be caught in a kiss.
Love & Kisses, Viki.