Someone wrote to me, a while back now, and said that his wife never really laughs when they’re having sex, but is always intensely concentrated. This shortly after I’d written about having fun and enjoying yourself.
First, this is fine. Everyone is different, everyone reacts in a different manner either in public life, with close friends or in the most intimate of moments. Some people laugh and cry out, some just close their eyes. Some shudder and jerk around, some lie back and enjoy calmly and, seemingly, without an outward reaction. When you’re in a relationship, you get to know your partner – at least, I hope that you do! – and their different ways. You get to know when you’re doing something right, when you should speed up, slow down, change position. With a new relationship it is completely different, you need to work and learn at the same time, and it makes no difference if this is a same-sex relationship or any other kind. You need to learn what makes your partner rise up and hit the peaks, and how to keep those peaks right there, all the time, constantly reasserting themselves.
At the same time, it is good to try something new, to bring a little bit of surprise into a relationship, especially if it has been going for a while. We all have our secrets, our desires and fantasies which, no matter how close a relationship may be, we’re not always prepared to discuss. There is always a little bit of holding back, of silently hoping something will happen.
And there are some things which cannot be expressed in words.
Patience and an open mind are the keys in any good relationship, especially when it comes to the finer, more intimate things. The willingness to experiment, to prevent stagnation by simply doing the same old time and time again, no matter how well it appears to work.
Sometimes you can see the stars but, at other times, it is good to find those stars which were out of sight, hidden from you, and to go for them. We all know they are there, we just need to find the right place to see them.
Love & Kisses, Viki.