Have you ever thought about what the term Making Love means? Perhaps you have your own definition which you’d like to share, or perhaps it has no meaning for you at all. For most people, though, it is almost exclusively coupled with the idea of having sex, usually with someone that you love or have a close emotional relationship with. It is also, however, a term which many women prefer when talking about sex, unless they happen to be out – as many men – looking for a quick adventure, a quickie or a one night stand.
Making love is a long process, it needs time to work and it needs a great deal of patience. It is not necessarily about personal preferences or personal satisfaction but it is about pleasure and pleasing. Making love is a shared experience between two – or more – people where all are more concerned with the pleasure given to their partner than that which they receive.
Of course, receiving pleasure is also part and parcel of the whole, but sometimes that pleasure is the satisfaction of knowing that your partner has reached that high point.
It has nothing to do with speed, who can finish first and, for some, it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with sex, not every time. It is possible to make love to a person in a non-sexual way although, as I am sure many appreciate, the idea is to have sex, to consummate a relationship through the physical act of making love.
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When I write that making love is a long process I am not just referring to the time taken in the bedroom. There is a good deal more involved than just the humping about on the bed – or elsewhere. There is the physical, non-penetrative part of the act; the build-up or foreplay. This might begin ten minutes before the bedroom scene, or even several hours. It involves communication, talking together. It involves touch, caressing, kissing. It involves a certain amount of role-play, enticing, provocative both for yourself and your partner. It involves compliments and those sweet nothings whispered in a person’s ear.
The physical act should also be a long process, not simply the end of a build-up. Here both partners need to be able to restrain themselves, to force themselves into second place for a while and concentrate solely on their partner, to fulfill their wishes and their desires, spoken and unspoken. It requires patience and a certain amount of experimentation; not everyone knows what they enjoy, not everyone knows what is going to work either for themselves or for their partner at a given moment. Trial and error, whereby the error should be noticed immediately which, if someone is concentrating and watching the reactions of their partner, the movements of their body, their body language is not difficult.
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So, when does the act of making love begin?
It begins with the idea, with the initial planning. Making love is rarely a sudden act, although it can follow on from a serious, hasty, passionate experience between partners. It can begin at any time at all and in any imaginable place. A few words spoken, a slight caress, a kiss. Making love, as I say, is a slow process where those involved work themselves up from their everyday lives into something more intimate. Perhaps there is a meal involved, or a visit somewhere else such as a movie, a museum, a concert. There must be constant attention between those making love, or from the person who initiates, and a constant build-up. Interest must be awoken, desires read and interpreted, a close level of intimacy established. Nothing should be rushed. The level of intimacy is increased, enhanced, when it is clear that you have all the time in the world, nothing else is more important than to learn and satisfy the desires of your partner.
Making love then proceeds through various stages, from the initial move, the first hints wherever they may be in in whatever form, through to the closeness that absolute attention requires. Here time is of the essence, not speed. The process should be a slow, carefully thought out one which allows for changes, for learning, for different moves. It isn’t a case of getting your clothes off as quickly as possible, even this requires time, exploration, attention. I can tell you, from personal experience, that such seemingly minor things such as kissing are important. I don’t just mean a kiss on the kips – French kissing, caressing with your lips, little bites and so on – but kissing with gentle passion, all over. Kissing, the right use of your tongue and lips, can be an exceptional turn on for many. It helps to build up the interest, to arouse, to stimulate and, as with all good things, it begins slowly and moves on from there. It is not concentrated just on the mouth, but on every part of the body, and this is why you need to take your time.
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The idea here is to build up the level of intimacy, to explore and stimulate as much as possible, to really excite so that what follows is a real high point and not just a closing scene.
Undressing a person, or undressing in front of someone, is also a very intimate act, no matter how long two people have known each other. Partners are revealing themselves, showing what normally wouldn’t be seen, what is hidden during the daily grind of life. It is a shedding not just of clothing but also of inhibitions; it is a sign of trust.
Once partners have got to the undressed stage, over a long period of time, they move on but, most important, this spreading out of time needs to be held to. It is pointless having a massive build-up to fizzle out at the last moment like a wet firework and just rush through to the end. Patience, attention and concentration, selflessness work here. The idea is not to get in and finish as quickly as possible, but to make the whole – and this is not the final act – continue ever higher. Caressing, kissing, touching, stimulating. Patience and the desire to satisfy your partner, to show them love as a physical entity.
And when it is all over? Then it isn’t over, not yet. Making love doesn’t end with the fireworks, with the high point, with the closed eyes and orgasms of sex. It carries on a little bit further with a continuation of caressing, of kissing, and a gradual, caring and careful work down once more. It remains there with intimacy, the holding of one another, cuddling and falling asleep together.
Making love is a long and complicated process, not to be underestimated, and one which should remain in a person’s memory long after the physical act has been completed.
Love & Kisses, Viki.