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A Common Question

Posted by Viktoria Michaelis on October 23, 2012 in Immoral Conversations, Q&A |

It may seem almost unbelievable in this day and age, but I and many other people still get asked this question:

if you don’t mind me asking how you decide to be lesbian

To be fair to the person posting it this time, he did come back after my reply and rephrase the question.

Firstly I have to point out a little misunderstanding which many people seem to hold: no one actively decides to become a lesbian, exactly the same way as they do not decide to be straight. It is something that we are born with, it is in our genes, it is an integral part of our entire make up, our personality and our lives. No matter what we do, no matter how hard we try, we cannot change what we really are, we cannot just switch off the fact that we are lesbian, gay or straight.

My standard reply to such a question is always to ask when the person posing their query first decided to be straight. When did they decide that they were only attracted to the opposite sex. This provokes, with many, the answer that it isn’t the same thing.

Well, I’m sorry, but it is the same thing. Exactly the same thing. If I decided to be a lesbian, if I chose this lifestyle, my sexuality, then everyone else faced with the same natural make up as I have – that is, human – must have come to the same decision at some time or another in their lives. At some point they must have decided that they were straight – or whatever – as if they were picking out a football team to follow, a house to buy.

It is not a conscious decision, whether you are lesbian, gay, straight or whatever, it is a realization. At some point in your life you come to see that your sexuality has a certain twist to it, that you feel attracted to one or another person, one or another sex. It is as simple as that. How you deal with this realization is another matter entirely. It is possible to accept it, live with it, love with it. It is equally possible to refuse acceptance, to push it down and live your entire life as a lie.

Image Source: Tumblr

In certain circumstances it is necessary to remain hidden, not to let other people know which direction your natural sexuality faces. People working for restrictive organizations, for the Catholic Church – which accepts pedophiles but not gays, go figure – people with friends and family who might not be able to accept this sudden change in the person they think they have known for so long.

It is necessary to remain hidden because some people cannot accept you for what you are, no matter what you are, and cannot accept that they have made a mistake in their assessment and, faced with the truth, move on as if nothing had happened, nothing had changed. But then, those are also the people who were probably never a good friend anyway, and there we, the different, strange ones, really can make a good decision.

Love & Kisses, Viki.

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