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How To: Women Picking Up Women

Posted by Viktoria Michaelis on May 18, 2014 in Q&A |

If I was a free agent, that is, not bound in a good and loving relationship with someone already, I would probably hope someone would give me the right advice about picking up a woman as a woman. Whether I’d take that advice, whether I would believe the person giving it me, is another matter entirely. Sometimes I can be very stubborn and stuck in my ways, sometimes I really do listen!

This morning I received a mail asking me how a young woman can pick up another woman. How do you go about it? You’re in a lesbian bar, surrounded by women who are clearly also lesbians, and nothing seems to work. There is no funk, no spark, no meeting of eyes. You search the area, you look at all the beautiful ones, all those who are on their own, you smile, make a few moves and none of it seems to work. You end up – much the same as with some men looking for a woman – taking that Walk of Shame back home, alone.

Viktoria Michaelis: Lesbian, Kiss

Photo Credit: LesMedia – Creative Commons

Believe it or not, women have exactly the same problem picking up someone, finding a date amongst people they do not know in a bar, as men do. The thing is, every one knows why they are there: you can see it in their eyes; in their moves; in the manner in which they look at people and assess them. They’re looking for someone, searching. And that, in my opinion, is what tends to kill any chances. Unless, that is, you happen to be the sex goddess to end all sex goddesses. Even then, though, there are difficulties.

I was once given a very good piece of advice: don’t search. Just that, nothing more. Do not go into a bar, lesbian or otherwise, seeking to meet up with someone, constantly looking for talent, constantly appraising whatever, whoever is there. After a very short while the desperation to find someone wafts through the room as if you’re wearing too much scent. And no one is that interested in hooking up with you simply because you are desperate. No one is that eager to find a partner constantly looking at their watch and wondering why they haven’t met the person of their dreams, haven’t been propositioned yet.

Viktoria Michaelis: Lesbian, Kiss

Photo Credit: JesseWarrenCreative Commons

You need to be relaxed, in control of yourself, discreet. You need to control any feelings of nervousness, at least to the extent that they don’t show on the surface. You need to be yourself, and you need to accept that one single visit to a bar isn’t going to necessarily be a success. Sometimes it takes time. Sometimes the right person simply isn’t there, even if it is the right one for a One Night Stand.

Above all, though, do not give up. Once you get the feeling for a bar, for a club, begin to feel at home there, you’ll begin to see who else is in the same position. You’ll recognize those who are alone, who are – surreptitiously – on the look out for a partner. And then, don’t just charge in. Be subtle: a smile in their direction, perhaps a toast with your glass, a small sign of interest. Nothing more than that. If it is returned, if the smile comes back at you, then you can do a little bit more.

Above all, though, don’t go out looking, because everyone will see it. Take your time, be prepared to leave alone, don’t expect too much. Love comes when you least expect it.

Love & Kisses, Viki.

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