What To Call My SO?

Posted by Viktoria Michaelis on March 12, 2015 in Personal |

Relationships are so complicated, sometimes it is difficult to know what to say, what to write, especially when you’re trying to preserve a small amount of privacy. So far I have been successful, keeping most if not all of my private life out of the ‘public eye’, as far as the Internet is concerned. No names, no real description, no hints which could compromise. Which brings a slight problem with it, one which hit me just the other day as I was writing something about my photographs. I had to think hard about what to call her, my lover, when commenting that she had already framed the photographs I took, which was why I hadn’t scanned them in.

Up until now it has not been much of a problem. Here I can call her whatever I wish – my love, my lover, whatever. On other social media platforms, where I am perhaps not quite so well-known as here, it is different. Can I still call her the love of my life, which she is, or my lover? Should I revert to something more clear, more obvious such as wifey, even though we’re not married and it is a term I do not like?


Photo Source: IsaacMaoCreative Commons

I have no desire to call her my Significant Other or Better Half or anything so trite, but My Lover seems to be a little off course, since many will automatically assume – as with SO and other terms – that a male is meant. This could cause one or two problems when someone suddenly realizes that she is indeed a she and not a he. I already know about these confusions, this moment of revelation, from real life. I don’t need the same on the Internet too.

The other alternative is to call her by her name – which she doesn’t want, not that her name is so unusual that someone could recognize her. And it’s not as if we are really hiding, we’re quite happy with people knowing that we are a pair and have no problems holding hands or even kissing in public. Plenty of other do it too, so why not us? Perhaps I could abbreviate her name to just the first initial, as I did with my last lover, but I’m not comfortable with that either.

So, what to call her on the rare occasions when her name comes up in a post?

Love & Kisses, Viki.

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  • Francois says:

    Anything wrong with “my girlfriend”? Too vague? Does not convey the essence of the relationship?

    • I have no problem with my girlfriend at all, although it does tend to convey the idea that we’ve not been together for a long time – to my way of thinking – or that we don’t have a stable, long-term relationship. There must be a term others use which suggests something more permanent but which doesn’t require a ceremony!

      • Francois says:

        And now here.
        It seems to me you may be looking for something that does not exist in the English language. And that begs the question “are the two of you in full sync as to what you want to communicate to the rest of the world?”

        You wrote no hints which could compromise, implying something is at risk. What words does she use to describe you/your relationship?

  • chris says:

    It is not as easy as you might think. I know of one such relationship over many years and the blog references to the partner are quite simply ‘the SO’. Unless you want to construct something with ‘fem-‘ or similar, where you run the risk of making references to her with a possible company name. Probably the safest bet is to revive an old-fashioned expression, like ‘lady-love’.

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